7:56 PM : : The Awakening : : 17 comments
"The Awakening"

A time comes in your life when you finally get it...when, in the midst ofall your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere thevoice inside your head cries out...ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying andblaming and struggling to hold on. Then, like a child quieting down after atantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world throughnew eyes. This is your awakening.You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change,or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the nexthorizon.

You realize that in the real world there aren't always fairy taleendings, and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must beginwith you... and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone willalways love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that's OK.They are entitled to their own views and opinions.

You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself... and in theprocess a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval. You stopcomplaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you - ordidn't do for you - and you learn that the only thing you can really counton is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always say what they meanor mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for youand that everything isn't always about you.

So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself... and inthe process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance. Youstop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as theyare and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties... and in theprocess a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness. You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin todiscard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with. You learn that there is power and glory increating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a"consumer" looking for your next fix. You learn that principles suchas honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, butthe mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save theentire world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs getburned at the stake. Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt andresponsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothingthings over and ignoring your needs. You learn that your body really isyour temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You beginto eat a balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time to exercise. You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so youtake more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuelsour soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you believe youdeserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Youlearn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishingfor something to happen is different than working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can doit all alone, and that it's OK to risk asking for help.

You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms. You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that lifeisn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and thatsometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people... and youlearn not to always take it personally. You learn that nobody is punishing you and everything isn't always somebody's fault. It's just life happening. You learn to admit when you arewrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood, resolved,and the energy redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to be thankful and totake comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things thatmillions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and youmake yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settlefor less than your heart's desire. You make it a point to keep smiling, tokeep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility. You hang awind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. Finally, withcourage in your heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and youbegin to design the life you want to live as best you can.

- Author Unknown

Saturday, January 08, 2005                                            

9:17 PM : : Back to hell : : 0 comments
Well, today was officially my day back to work. It was good only because really nobody was there. My boss was, but only to "catch up on work". She spent a little bit more time talking to co-workers, talking on the phone, and smoking cigerattes than anything else. But hey, she doesn't get paid for this time anyway because she's salary... so who cares.

I was "updated" by my 'friend' about the desk issue. He believes I'm about 90% on the way of getting his desk, but we'll see. I'm not getting my hopes up because you never know what kind of bullshit my boss and manager will think up as a reason to why I shouldn't move to the desk. I'm sure I'll find out on Tuesday along with getting my new goals for this year. I need to do my self appraisal tomorrow, I'm going to have to bullshit to make it sound like I can walk on water. ;) However, before giving it to my boss I'm letting my 'friend' review it, and I know he is like god when it comes to bullshitting, so he can spruce it up.

I'm watching "Along came Paulie"; it's a cute movie. I like Jennifer Aniston's hair. Oh, did you hear the latest Hollywood gossip, Jennifer and Brad split. :(