Bitchings & Then Some

The Awakening

2005-01-14T19:56:00.000-05:00

"The Awakening"

A time comes in your life when you finally get it...when, in the midst ofall your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere thevoice inside your head cries out...ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying andblaming and struggling to hold on. Then, like a child quieting down after atantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world throughnew eyes. This is your awakening.You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change,or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the nexthorizon.

You realize that in the real world there aren't always fairy taleendings, and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must beginwith you... and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone willalways love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that's OK.They are entitled to their own views and opinions.

You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself... and in theprocess a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval. You stopcomplaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you - ordidn't do for you - and you learn that the only thing you can really counton is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always say what they meanor mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for youand that everything isn't always about you.

So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself... and inthe process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance. Youstop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as theyare and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties... and in theprocess a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness. You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin todiscard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with. You learn that there is power and glory increating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a"consumer" looking for your next fix. You learn that principles suchas honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, butthe mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save theentire world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs getburned at the stake. Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt andresponsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothingthings over and ignoring your needs. You learn that your body really isyour temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You beginto eat a balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time to exercise. You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so youtake more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuelsour soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you believe youdeserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Youlearn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishingfor something to happen is different than working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can doit all alone, and that it's OK to risk asking for help.

You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms. You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that lifeisn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and thatsometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people... and youlearn not to always take it personally. You learn that nobody is punishing you and everything isn't always somebody's fault. It's just life happening. You learn to admit when you arewrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood, resolved,and the energy redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to be thankful and totake comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things thatmillions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and youmake yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settlefor less than your heart's desire. You make it a point to keep smiling, tokeep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility. You hang awind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. Finally, withcourage in your heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and youbegin to design the life you want to live as best you can.

- Author Unknown

Back to hell

2005-01-08T21:17:00.000-05:00

Well, today was officially my day back to work. It was good only because really nobody was there. My boss was, but only to "catch up on work". She spent a little bit more time talking to co-workers, talking on the phone, and smoking cigerattes than anything else. But hey, she doesn't get paid for this time anyway because she's salary... so who cares.

I was "updated" by my 'friend' about the desk issue. He believes I'm about 90% on the way of getting his desk, but we'll see. I'm not getting my hopes up because you never know what kind of bullshit my boss and manager will think up as a reason to why I shouldn't move to the desk. I'm sure I'll find out on Tuesday along with getting my new goals for this year. I need to do my self appraisal tomorrow, I'm going to have to bullshit to make it sound like I can walk on water. ;) However, before giving it to my boss I'm letting my 'friend' review it, and I know he is like god when it comes to bullshitting, so he can spruce it up.

I'm watching "Along came Paulie"; it's a cute movie. I like Jennifer Aniston's hair. Oh, did you hear the latest Hollywood gossip, Jennifer and Brad split. :(

Song of the Moment

2005-01-07T19:13:00.000-05:00

This moment's song is by Willa Ford, song is called Tender. I love this song on her cd "Willa Was Here". I loved it so much I actually bought the CD; and I haven't bought a CD in well over 2 years. :)

Willa Ford - Tender
Hey can I talk to you for a minute?
You see, it’s not you
Its just ..well, I’ve been in love before
And I’ve had my heart broken
I can’t go through that again, ya know?
If I let you in my world, completely
Would you let me..down,
And break my heart?
Cause sometimes love, can come and go
And I don’t want to, cry no
So tell me boy..
Ever showed you how you control my mind
Would you hold it against me and take advantage of me?
And ever showed you how from within my soul
Don’t take advantage of me because my heart is tender
So tell me how
Are you feeling now
Just let me know
Will you stick around?
Forever..
We’re in to deep to turn away
From what’s meant to be
Let’s let our love shine
Just be careful with my heart

Ooh, ooh
Boy you got me
So baby care for me
Tender that’s me
For you only
But dreams don’t hurt me
Baby, give me love

Ooh, ooh
Boy you got me
So baby care for me
Tender that’s me
For you only
But dreams don’t hurt me
Baby, give me love

Ooh, ooh
Boy you got me
So baby care for me
Tender that’s me
For you only
But dreams don’t hurt me
Baby, give me love

Vacation is over

2005-01-07T18:49:00.000-05:00

This sucks, I have to work tomorrow. :( It's usually not busy, so it'll be nice. I'll have to catch up on my work and read all my emails. My boss told me through email she might be going to work tomorrow to catch up on her work. Well, that ruins my day damnit. :)

I gave my old computer to my brother and I went over there today to work on it; I never realized how s l o w my old computer was until today. I get so use to a fast computer you learn to appreciate what you have. Come to find out, somewhere along of the line from my cable company frying my computer or adding my cable modem they did something to my dail up modem and now it doesn't work. We were going to set him up with some free months w/ AOL, but now we can't. But hey, it's not worth trying to find out what happen, we had my brother call the cable company and go with the high speed internet. Which is the correct way to do it anyway.

I just downloaded and installed ICQ. I haven't had this bad boy in so long and wow it has came a long way. I'm bored tonight (and like every night) so give me a hollar if you want, 298-679-490. :)

Jade - 1000 Words

2005-01-06T10:28:00.000-05:00

I've been noticing a lot of people searching on this song and found my site.

Well, the lyrics are here, anybody want the MP3 of this song?!!? Sure you do! IM me on AIM and we'll talk. :)

Work Woes

2005-01-05T15:51:00.000-05:00

Have you ever hated something and you were right on the edge of completely flipping out/having a breakdown?! I'm sure work comes to mind, and yes... it happen to me... finally.

About two weeks ago I was reviewing some SPRs (Supervisor Performance Reviews) on some of my work. I didn't agree with two of them and as usual the monthly SPR battle starts up. The reasons my boss use for these SPRs proves to me she was looking for excuses to "ding" me. That was the last straw. I started walking over from her throwing my hands in the air and made the "ugh!" sound. She made me come back to her desk and everything fell to peices. I started crying and told her that I hated this job, I hated her, I hated these stupid excuses you're giving me on these SPRs... and so on. Actually that is the censored version, there was A L O T of fucks in there.. atleast every other word. :) So... my supervisor can understand me cause she's on the same boat. Doing alot of work, alot of responsibility and no money to support it and such things like it.

What really set me off was when I found out they're moving people around me to somewhere else. I don't have a problem with this, in fact, I encourage it. I work better when I'm all by myself and left alone. It's been proven to my boss and manager that if you leave me alone you'd be amazed of the work I can do. But, there were a few problems I found with it. First off my work neighbor never shuts up and I can't get alot of work done b/c of her. So I offered, a year ago, to move to this one desk where no one sits at and no one is around me. My boss told me no because that desk is a grade 66 and I'm a grade 58. After I cussed her out about that bullshit excuse, I never got the desk. So, come to my findings (same day of my breakdown), I found out that another associate of mine was to move to that desk, who is a grade 58. So naturally, I was spitting fire and highly pissed. I offered a solution to all the issues a year ago, so now, since my 'friend' wants to move to an area where no one is around, they offered up big mouth to move with him and then started thinking oh... I shouldn't have anybody around me so I can work better and started moving everybody around me... when I WAS THE ONE THAT WANTED TO MOVE TO BEGIN WITH??!?!!?!?!?!?! Do they do this to me to fuck with me?! I've bent over backwards for this fucking department and I get treated like that?!

That was another thing I bitched to her about. She said she'll "fight" for me to get the desk that my 'friend' is moving out of. The back of my head I truly feel she won't. So, I just fluttered myself over to my 'friend' and he's feeding information to my manager to convince him to move me to that desk because I know my boss isn't. My 'friend' and I came up with a easy solution that will not only save money but can make it look like they have "power" and "control" over myself and big mouth, which is what they want. His computer has software that I put on there, it also has a CD Burner and a scanner. Between the two of us, I use it the most. So, why would this wonderful place I work for take this equipment away from me? We decided that instead of paying to move this computer to 'friend's new desk, keep it where it's at, let me move into that desk and viola. Big-mouth can stay put because i'm in a different isle. Apart of the agreemnt is if Big-mouth decides to spent more time at my desk, I would have to move back over to my old desk. My manager liked it, that is was a good idea and he was going to talk to my boss. I don't know if anything will happen, but I do know if it does happen my boss is going to be like I fought for you, I told you I can do it... blah blah blah... taking the credit when I really know what happened.

What's really funny is that while I was letting off steam to my boss, she kept interrupting and saying "Is 'he' telling you this information?!!?" When I was telling my 'friend', he kept hollaring at me to not bring him in this. I told him I never once mentioned your name, it was my boss that was. She seems to really HATE him when it comes to me. She knows he feeds me information about things she won't tell me. She knows he's trying to help me out on things. She knows I go to him and bitch about work stuff that she may feel I should go to her about.

Well, she can just kiss my ass. :Þ

(BTW, one of the things I argued about with the SPRs, she also SPR'd the same thing on someone else, after a huge battle between them two, it went to the section and both the other person and myself won the arguement and she had to remove the "ding" from the SPR. Which, I know, pissed her off to holy hell. HA HA!)

Happy Holidays!!!

2005-01-05T15:25:00.000-05:00

I know it's a little late... but hey... better late than never!

What did I get for christmas? Well... From: Me, To Me: Down Comforter, Back & Leg Massage, new kitten, new jean pants, new shirt, new thongs, Sunflower gift set, Sunflower lotion, Navy lotion, Now and Then VHS, Willa Ford CD. From: my family, To: Me: 2 different sets of bath stuff, 2 different sets of PJ, 3 Manicure Sets, a pedicure set, flannel materal gloves/hat, earings, family bible, sample perfume set, $25.00 gift card to Best Buy, blank cds, Aladdin DVD. From: work, to: Me: $20.00 gift card to walmart, lotions, chap sticks, scissors, angel figurine, shit load of candy. :)

For new years, we had the whole "crew" come over and drink (of course). Played some poker and celebrate. Didn't do much, but I enjoyed it.

After new years, I have the whole week off (I'll explain why in another post) so I took out some money out of my 401K and bought me a new computer, telephone, VCR, printer (which my work bought me!) and some DVDs. So, here I am, sitting in front of my new computer; which I love!! It's so fast and everything actually works properly.

I heard one of the new Backstreet Boys song today. Oh yeah, I'm a fan of the B-Boys! :) I'm such a sucker for pop among a wide variety of other music genres. It's called "Beautiful Woman". I like it, it's different, but it's good. Nick sounds like Michael Jackson in the beginning of it though. :/ It's not their best songs they've done, but I'm feeling it.

I go shopping with my friend last week and come to find out my friggin driver side window won't role up or down. WTF is that?! I have a 2003 Hyundai Tiburon and it seems to me alot of the regulators keep going out. Not only did my sunroof stop working but also my lock on the driver side window. So now, I'll just add my driver side window and half my radio buttons don't light up. Don't get me wrong I'm not bad mouthin' this car, shit happens to cars.. I know I have driven the car into the ground for the past 2 1/2 years. I love my car, it's my baby. For the practically house payment I make on that bad boy you better believe it's my baby. ;)

Never change

2004-12-12T17:28:00.000-05:00

"If you don't tell anybody your problems at work, it'll never change."

While in a meeting where you basically bitch about things you don't like at work and offer solutions that mangament won't accept I didn't really speak up. Any other time you couldn't get me to shut up. I don't know what I was afraid of when I was in this meeting. Maybe because I can't bitch to people about my work problems when they don't understand what I do. They are not on the same boat as me, and I think they're thinking I'm bitching about something stupid and what they to bitch about is more important. Plus the person running this meeting has no clue what my department is or does. Doesn't quite cut it. If you get me and my 'friend' in a room and tape everything we're saying, you'll know how I truly feel about everything. He understands what I'm going through cause he is on the same boat. He understands what I do and how I feel about everything. Of course if you were to play back the tape to anybody else there will be A LOT of editing to it.

It's really hard to say to my boss, hey you suck at doing your job. You controdict yourself from the moment you come into work until you leave. You're a joke to this whole department and nobody likes you. I mean, how can you say this to somebody without getting your teeth knocked out or fired? When I know more about her job than she does... I believe this creates a problem. When stuff is given to her and she can't handle it, she gives it to me. When stuff is emailed to her and nothing is done, everybody emails me. When things are given to her to fix and nothing is done about it, I go behind her and fix it. I wanted something apart of my goals because it creates a huge mess when I'm doing it and requires A LOT of my time, she removed it from my goals because I wasn't doing it at this moment, but for the each year I've been doing this it requres half if not more of each year doing these powerpoint presentations together. Think about it, I have to create the powerpoint, text, pictures, make the videos, edit the videos, get the trainer familiar with it, do mock presentations, and go to a actual training class to see the presentation and fix any of the final glitches before it's handed over to the trainer. HELLO!?!?!!?!?!?!!? Why would this NOT be listed as part of my goal?

I don't agree with my job grade, title, and description. Apart of my job description is to be doing the powerpoint training modules which is the one thing she doesn't want on my goals. WHY?!!?!!? I have so much work on my plate that when I was putting it into goals, I couldn't. I had to combine goals and lower them all to 5% for everything to fit. Shouldn't that be a red light saying... woah... she might have too much to handle!? Oh no, this just means that they can add more job responsibilities to my plate.

I'm afraid if I step up and say something, I could be shot down. I feel like they'll give me the shitty end of the stick no matter what. Ugh... fuck work.

12 Days of working with my boss

2004-12-12T16:37:00.000-05:00

While "working" one evening, my co-workers and I decided to make a "12 Days of Christmas" version of working with my boss. After writing this up, we presented it to her in a section meeting. :)

On the first day of working wih my boss, she gave to me a headache.

On the second day of working wih my boss, my dr. Gave to me 2 asprins for the headache my boss gave to me.

On the third day of working wih my boss, my dr. Gave to me 3 advills, 2 asprings for the headache my boss gave to me.

On the fourth day of working wih my boss, my dr. Gave to me 4 wine coolers, 3 advills, 2 asprins for the headache my boss gave to me.

On the fifth day of working wih my boss, my dr. Gave to me 5 bottles of wine, 4 wine coolers, 3 advills, 2 asprins for the headache my boss gave to me.

On the sixth day of working with my boss, my dr. Gave to me a 6 pk of beer, 5 bottles of wine, 4 wine coolers, 3 advills, 2 asprins for the headache my boss gave to me.

On the seventh day of working with my boss, my dr. Gave to me 7 shots of tequilla, a 6 pk of beer, 5 bottles of wine, 4 wine coolers, 3 advills, 2 asprins for the headache my boss gave to me.

On the eighth day of working with my boss, my dr. Gave to me 8 yager bombs, 7 shots of tequilla, a 6 pk of beer, 5 bottles of wine, 4 wine coolers, 3 advills, 2 asprins for the headache my boss gave to me.

On the ninth day of working with my boss, my dr. Gave to me 9 jugs of moonshine, 8 yager bombs, 7 shots of tequilla, a 6 pk of beer, 5 bottles of wine, 4 wine coolers, 3 advills, 2 asprins for the headache my boss gave to me.

On the tenth day of working with my boss, my dr. Gave to me 10 welbutrin pills 9 jugs of moonshine, 8 yager bombs, 7 shots of tequilla, a 6 pk of beer, 5 bottles of wine, 4 wine coolers, 3 advills, 2 asprins for the headache my boss gave to me.

On the eleventh day of working with my boss, my dr. Gave to me 11 bottles of zoloft, 10 welbutrin pills 9 jugs of moonshine, 8 yager bombs, 7 shots of tequilla, a 6 pk of beer, 5 bottles of wine, 4 wine coolers, 3 advills, 2 asprins for the headache my boss gave to me.

And finally......

On the twelth day of working with my boss, my dr. Introduced to me the set family (percocet, ultracet, loracet, darvacet).

20 Ways to Maintain Your Insanity

2004-12-12T16:11:00.000-05:00

This was sent to me through email...

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a hair dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your garbage can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The coffee maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Sexual Favors"

7. Finish All Your Sentences With "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Dont Use Any Punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Ask People What Sex They Are. Laugh Hysterically After They Answer.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme

14. Put mosquito netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Hard.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking Lot,Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.......

20. Send This E-mail To Someone To Make Them Smile..It's Called Therapy...

Song of the moment

2004-11-29T15:24:00.000-05:00

Newest song of the moment is by Jade of Sweetbox. The English version of 1000 words in Final Fantasy X-2. The movie clip of Yuna singing this song is just breathless and perfect. The song is very beautiful.

"1000 Words" - Jade (of Sweetbox)

I know that your hiding things
Using gentle words to shelter me
Your words were like a dream
But dreams could never fool me
Not that easily

I acted so distant then
Didn't say goodbye before you left
But I was listening
You'll fight your battles far from me
Far too easily

"Save your tears cause I'll come back"
I could hear that you whispered as you walked through that door
But still I swore
To hide the pain, when I turn back the pages
Shouting might have been the answer
What if I cried my eyes out and begged you not to part
But now I'm not afraid to say what's in my heart

Cause a thousand words
Call out through the ages
They'll fly to you
Even though I can't see
I know they're reaching you, suspended on silver wings
Oh a thousand words

A thousand embraces
Will cradle you
Making all of your weary days seem far away
They'll hold you forever

Oh a thousand words (a thousand words)
Have never been spoken (ohh yeah)
They'll fly to you
They'll carry you home, (carry you home) and back into my arms
Suspended on silver wings (on silver wings)

And a thousand words (ohh)
Call out through the ages (call through the ages)
They'll cradle you (ohh yeah)
Make all of the lonely years to only days (only days)
They'll hold you forever.

Ohhhhhhhhhhh a thousand words

Something different

2004-11-29T14:30:00.000-05:00

The sega conitnues with this guy. He apparently has a new girlfriend now, so... good for him, maybe she can clean his act up and put up with the bullshit act he gives. Straighten his ass out girl... or... drag him further down the downward spiral. He needed a ride to go get his car that was 2 hours out of our way. He tried calling my brother in law and naturally my sister steps up and refuses to give him a ride. First off, whenever we asked him over to hang out or do something he always says yes and then somehow something comes up and never comes over. He was to come over to my neice's birthday but of course, something came up. Very unrealible if you ask me. Second, he expects us to drop whatever we're doing and work with his schedule, honey... it's not going to happen. So, he assumed that little ol' nice me would stop what I'm doing and go pick him up which was about an hour away from where I'm at. Sorry! You thought wrong. I was working some overtime; making $20.00 an hour, would you stop what you were doing?! My sister called me before he called my cell and told me what was going on. About an hour after my sister called me, he finally called my cell. I didn't answer it and he left me a voice mail. He sounded weird though. The drugs must be getting to him...

Last night I decided to make me a "want list". I went to walmart.com and put everything in my basket of all the things on my list. It came to be over $2000.00! I didn't want much. ;) I moved it over to my "save it for later" list so I can start buying it. It eased my shopping urge and I feel a lot better now. :)

Have you ever felt you need a change? A change for the good, something different in your life. I'm in this moment right now that I need to change something. I don't know what particularly it is, but it's driving me crazy. I've changed my work attitude and how I do things at work, which has helped. I'm changing my room all around; I've put up my old curtins, I'm getting a new bed lennin set, changing the color theme of my room (use to be green and purple for as long as I've been alive), getting a new desk, new computer, and the list goes on. I believe I lived my life in one particular way for so long and I'm not happy with the turn out. I need something different. A new pace of life. I feel like something is coming and I'm not sure if I'll like it.

To end this post, the words of wisdom from my 'friend':
In your life you'll have three list. A "Got To" list, a "Need To" list, and a "Want To" list. Seperate everything in your life and categorize into these three lists. Things you have to do whether you like it or not goes to your Got To list, things that you need but can wait until the money comes around goes onto your Need To list, and things that you want to have goes to your Want To list. Go on through life working off of these lists, finish off your Got Tos and then work on your Need Tos. The Want To list... hell... just throw that list away, you don't need those things to begin with.

(FYI - Everything on my Want To list is obviously a got to have. :)

Unwritten Letter

2004-11-26T14:01:00.000-05:00

Congrats on proving everybody right. You didn't last and you're just as much as a loser than before. It's a shame that there were people you've met that did have hopes for you to make it, to prove them all wrong, to succeed in the life that god gave a second chance for you. He gave you the chance to take your life and move forward, to not look to the past, but to bring better life on the second chance. Instead, you take that chance and went backwards with it. Continued back into your lifestyle that put you in the place you wish you were never in. Maybe you're destiny is in prison. It probably saved your life the first time, now you're going to spend the rest of it there. You're nothing but a poser and a waste of a human being. Go back to prison where you belong, the streets will be safer without you.

Thankful

2004-11-26T13:51:00.000-05:00

Better late than never....

I'm thankful for my parents for being understanding, open hearted, and (at times) being a pain in my ass. For them I wouldn't be here (of course), I wouldn't have learned how to be independent, relying only on myself, understand the complicated things, and be there when I need it the most. I'm thankful for my sister and brother for doing all the bad things so I wouldn't have to. Seeing what they put my parents through, the other side of the fence they never saw, made me a better person and who I am today. I'm thankful for my 'friend' for being there to keep my sanity in line and helping me see the "bigger picture" of things at work, making me laugh, keeping me company, and let me release my anger and fustration out on him. I'm thankful for my best friend for being there through everything. We've been through the tough times, bad guys, and tons of friends, but the outcome came to be is that we are still best friends. She's the person that understands me, my fragmented mind, and makes me laugh. Helps me understand guys and get them through the tough times. I'm thankful that I'm the person that stands my ground, a total bitch, and works hard to get what I want without having to have that companion to support me.

Most of all, I'm thankful that I never persued that asshole of a guy that was interested in me. I could have if I really wanted to, but something inside told me not to persue him, and that makes it easier for me to say goodbye to him. He's back to his old ways and I'm counting the days for when he gets caught again and goes back to prison, he's better off there anyway.

:)

Happy be-lated Thanksgiving!

A Wonderful Day Off

2004-11-22T16:29:00.000-05:00

Today was so peaceful for me. I worked on Saturday so today I was off and I did absolutely nothing. Just wonderful. I ate breakfast with my parents, and chilled for the rest of the day. My mom made the comment "so this is how it was back when it was just us 3 living here... before the seams busted out 2 years ago." It got really quite... you could hear the crickets it was that quite. Yeah it was nice back when it was only me and my parents... but it's not now.

I colored my hair red today. When i say red, I mean BRIGHT ass red. Think of the brightest color red possible.... that's my hair color. ;)

I finally finished going through my streamload account. I've cleaned out my inbox, and now it's time to clean out my storage folder and get rid of the duplicates and files that aren't really there even though it shows it as being there. This will be fun.

I'll end this with a coversation I had w/ my work 'friend'.

Me: So, whatever we need for work they don't want to buy it but if you buy it while traveling, it's under the travel expense and they perfer you to buy work stuff while traveling???
'Friend': Yes, *laughs*, it's all about unit cost.
Me: That's so fucking stupid.
'Friend': It's money, it has to go somewhere, and it has to be apart of the budget. We're probably over our budget expense but our travel expense is way down, so if we buy it while traveling, it's considered a travel expense and they'll be no bitching about what was bought and why it was. Do you need friggin post its that bad? You want me to pick up some?
Me: Buy me some pens. I need pens.
'Friend': For god sake you have enough pens at work.
Me: No, I don't. I always need new pens. I don't have Texas pens now do I? Buy me some pens.
'Friend': You're a freak. All these people are fooled by this sweet, nice, conservative woman but in reality you're a fucking freak. Inside you're a rocker that loves alternative punk freaky looking guys and enjoys going to Ozzfest doing god knows what.
Me: Oh, you like it.

Randoms

2004-11-21T20:43:00.000-05:00

What's happening?!

I was watching Pure Country earlier today, I have to say the best part of that movie is where George Straight sings in front of this woman he is in love with. He sings "I Cross My Heart", oh my god... it's the most romantic part. Gets me all teared up. ;)

I've been cleaning out my streamload inbox. About 40 emails, 10 hours later... I'm down to 13. Since they switch to version 4 I haven't been able to move any of my inbox files to my storage files, so I've been using StreamExplorer to move everything. So many mp3s/albums I had and never knew it!!! I got lots of downloading to do! I need to buy more CDs, I have about 20 albums to burn so far and I have got to downloading the ones in my streamload account.

I've been asked to write my goals for 2005 @ work this week. This was a mistake by them and I will use this to my advantage. :D I've been very irritated at work lately. I had to call my 'friend' who's been out training and bitch for an hour and a half about work. I felt so much better after I let off some steam. :) Some people at my work are so friggin stupid I often wonder how they even manage to get hired and are still working there.

I've decided that for this christmas I want everybody to give me gift certificates to stores I shop at and I'll do my own christmas shopping. For the past few years my christmas has sucked. I'll give everybody a list of things I want and I would never get it. My list is usually been small and inexpensive. I picked things that were easy to find and cheap. I would end up getting nothing on the list and nothing I really wanted. I would, however, get whatever everybody else wanted no money limit in mind. I would spend $50-$100 on EACH person (12 people here!). Everybody else would spend $20.00 or less on me. Yeah yeah, I know it's the thought that matters... but when you make yourself practically go into bankruptacy to get them everything they wanted and get nothing in return, it makes you become the Scrooge of christmas. Maybe that's my own stupidity. Only good thing I've ever gotten was from my best friend and my 'friend' at work last year. I picked out what I wanted with my best friend and she bought it and my 'friend' at work gave me $200.00 to do as I please. However, this christmas I stuck to my plan, I would ONLY spending 20.00 on each person. I stuck to it, I ended up spending 100.00 less than anticipated. Shit, they had this wall of kids stuff for only a dollar, I got my neice's their gift for only 5 bucks... can't get more cheaper than that!!! :)

Typical Man

2004-11-18T22:03:00.000-05:00

Two bored casino dealers were standing at the craps table when a very attractive blonde woman arrived. She bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude. With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down, the whole beautiful body bouncing, and squealed, "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

MORAL: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.

No Respect

2004-11-18T21:51:00.000-05:00

The Late, Great
RODNEY DANGERFIELD

Born Jacob Cohen (1921-2004), Rodney "No Respect" Dangerfield began writing jokes at the age of 15. One-liners were the epitome of the Dangerfield classic wit...

I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.

I tell you, with my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him, "I've swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills." He told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back!

When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, "We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again."

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt because he leaves a pyramid in every room.

With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.

What a dog I got. His favorite bone is in my arm!

Last week I saw my psychiatrist. I told him, "Doc, I keep thinking I'm a dog." He told me to get off his couch.

I worked in a pet store and people kept asking how big I'd get.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!

One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.

I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, "Wait til it gets warmer."
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab.

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm very sorry. We did everything we could...but he pulled through."

I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War my great uncle fought for the west!

My father was stupid. He worked in a bank and they caught him stealing pens.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

One year they wanted to make me poster boy... for birth control.

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent back a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting on his lap. He was in the electric chair.

Once when I was lost I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There are so many places they can hide."

I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor.

They sent a priest up to talk to me. He said, "On your mark..."

When my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me.

I had a lot of pimples too. One day I fell asleep in a library. I woke up and a blind man was reading my face.

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

Last week my tie caught on fire. Some guy tried to put it out with an ax!

I met the surgeon general. He offered me a cigarette.

One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the Fruit of the Loom guys laughing at me.

I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!

My wife isn't very bright. The other day she was at the store, and just as she was heading for our car, someone stole it! I said, "Did you see the guy that did it?" She said, "No, but I got the license plate."

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

A girl phoned me and said, "Come on over. There's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home!

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I went to a massage parlor. It was self service.

If it weren't for pick-pocketers, I'd have no sex life at all.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now."

I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks.

I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.

I knew a girl so ugly, the last time I saw a mouth like hers it had a hook on the end of it.

I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint--a Saint Bernard!

I was tired one night and I went to the bar to have a few drinks. The bartender asked me, "What'll you have?" I said, "Surprise me." He showed me a naked picture of my wife.

During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

My marriage is on the rocks again. Yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
One day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy...why are you doing that for?" He said, "Because you came home early."

I went to see my doctor... Doctor Vidi-boom-ba. Yeah...I told him once, "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me? He said, "I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect."

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. He told me to wear a brown necktie.

My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him, "If you don't mind, I'd like a second opinion." He said, "All right. You're ugly too!"

I was so ugly, my mother used to feed me with a slingshot!

When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!"

And we were poor too. Why, if I wasn't born a boy, I'd have nothing to play with!

bad, bad, bad

2004-11-18T21:32:00.000-05:00

A very attractive lady goes up to the bar in a quiet pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full beard.

"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.

"Actually, no," the man replied.

"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

"I'm afraid I can't," breathes the bartender.. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues, running her forefingers across the bartender's lips and shyly popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

"What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to ask.

"Tell him," she whispers, "there is no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room."

New look!

2004-11-13T17:47:00.000-05:00

Yay! I figured this thing out and made my first layout w/ Blogger! I'm still learning the codes that Blogger used. I'm so use to greymatter that's it's a little weird making a transition to Blogger now. But it's all good!

I had the wonderful time today going to my neice's 6th B-Day party. A whole bunch of kids yelling and running around. I know I know, you're jealous. Wish you could have been there, huh?

At this moment, I am really proud of myself. Why? I finished my christmas shopping!!!!! I put everything on layaway but it's done! Only thing left is to pick it up on my next pay check and to wrapp it all! It's truly a wonderful feeling. Now I know you really are jealous. ;)

Family love

2004-11-11T21:48:00.000-05:00

Last week, on Friday, my parents decided to have a "family meeting". If you don't know what this means, it's basically the "I've had enough of ________ and I want to sit and argue about it with everybody else" family meeting. This time, reality is finally setting in and they realize they don't have enough money any more.

First mistake my mom did was email me at work telling both my sister and I we need to discuss a few things when we get home. 1) I don't know how many times I've told her I can not get personal emails at my work. They have fired people for this. 2) I don't need to hear about how she has too much time on her hands and can only think about what's for dinner, why they can't afford their bills, and how she wishes my sister would move out. Not my problem!

So after I got my feathers ruffled and I was able to vent to my co-workers and discussed a resolution on this issue with my 'friend' at work, I left and went home. Never in my life have I heard such issues about dinner nights and Tide/Downey. Have you?! We spent 45 minutes arguing over why we can not stick to a concrete 'dinner' night. My mom seems to think we have NO life, we're still children, and we all should have a family dinner night. It's not going to happen. We're all adults, we all have our own lifes and families... it's just not going to happen! Both my sister and I stressed this to her but she seems to not want to absorb it. It's not my concern that my mom has nothing else better to do during the day than to sit and admire the leaves falling off the trees and thinking who is going to cook for dinner and what it is going to be.

Another issue was the Tide & Downey. Apparently I don't buy enough tide and downey. I'm sorry, but, last time I checked I am only one person and only uses about 3 loads a week. My mom wants to wash EVERYTHING in the house. If it's not glued or nailed down, it's going to be washed every week. My sister seems to think this as well and between them two, the washer and dryer never stop. So, I decided that I will start buying my own tide and downey. I bought a big bottle of tide and downey for the house (my last comment when I bought this was "This will be the last Tide and Downey I will buy for this house.") and then I bought my own Tide, Downey, and dryer sheets for my own use. I'm just going to start buying my own things, like I pretty much already do. I can not and will not be accused of this stupid thing anymore. You think my parents would appreciate that I'm taking this step? No, my dad is not. He was once mad that I don't buy enough and when I decided to start buying my own he's mad about that. I swear, he stresses over the stupidest things in life.

The "main" reason of this meeting was their financial embarrassment. After a year, they just now realized that half the income, twice the families living in the house, and double the bills have put a hurting in their pocket. All their bills double since last year before my mom decided to do the whole "early retirement" thing and let my sister move back in. My sister have their own floor (the basement). I live in my room practically. The rest of the house my parents use up. After I settled down from the email at work, my 'friend' and I discussed that it's probably time I start paying rent (if I look back a few years, I swear I remember hearing my dad tell me they will never charge me rent... but whatever), I was thinking an extra $100.00 a month (added to my 150.00 I already pay for cable and my car insurance). Which, now the meeting is over with, I was right, starting January I'm paying an extra $100.00... which is fine.

It's hard to tell my mom, get off your lazy ass and get a job! They can not afford her spending habbits!

Maybe this will all change and go back to normal when my sister moves out. God, I wish I didn't have a huge car payment or my ass would have been out that night. I need to move out, I need a place on my own. I feel like my parents treat me like a child. I'm 22, I may be the baby in the family, but I am an adult and I can make my own decisions on what I want in my life.

What it really means

2004-11-11T20:55:00.000-05:00

So I only went to work for 1 and 1/2 days. I've spent the rest of this week so far at home, in my room, with my PJs on, playing the playstation, and taking naps. I went to the doctors today, was told I had a sinus infection. Yay... another one.

Is it weird that my best bud (that works with me, yeah that one) is training in a different state but still calls me to see how I'm doing, to tell me how things are up there, to chit-chat, and offered me money to hold me over until payday? I think sometimes we get our 'roles' mixed up. Ah-hmm... anywho....

Okay, so, I'm bored. :) I decided to look up some "What ________ really says about you" type of stuff. I find it interesting, don't you?!

Just what does your guy's underwear say about themselves? I like the thongs and edible underwear. lol

What color of clothing you wear say about you? I tend to lean towards orange and green clothes more than anything... Wearing orange means you are a fun, easy-going girl who likes to have fun. Girls who wear this color enjoy spending time outdoors. Girls who wear this color [green] are down to earth, and have a lot of confidence, but don't like to show it off.

This place is interesting. Learn about your auro-colors. Since my favorite color is green, I looked it up... it's very true. Greens are some of the most powerful and intelligent people in the aura spectrum. Greens are extremely bright. They process information and ideas quickly; jumping from steps one to ten. They do not like dealing with all the steps and details in between. A project that is too detailed is tedious and boring for Greens . They prefer to develop an idea, organize a plan, and then delegate someone else to take care of the details. Greens are very drawn to money, power, and business. These quick-thinkers are very organized and efficient. They write lists and efficiently check off the items on the list as they are completed. Greens recognize patterns and discover solutions very quickly. When Greens are in their power, they can accomplish anything. They love to set goals and are determined to achieve them. Greens are “movers and shakers” when it comes to taking action. They are also typically the workaholics on the planet. Greens are highly competitive and enjoy challenges. They thrive on taking risks. Gambling is common for Greens , especially if there is a potential for large winnings. Being strong-willed, these powerful personalities are determined to have their own way, which they usually feel is the right way (well, duh!). A person is rarely able to win an argument with Greens .

Since I've been told yellow is my color as well... Yellows are the most fun-loving, free-spirited, energetic, and childlike personalities in the aura spectrum. Yellows are wonderful, sensitive, optimistic beings, whose life purpose is to bring joy to people, to have fun, and to help heal the planet. Yellows can either be very shy and sensitive, or they can be the life of the party. These playful characters have a great sense of humor. They love to laugh and to make others laugh. Yellows believe life is to be enjoyed. They like to live life freely and spontaneously. With a perpetual smile on their face, they remind people to not take themselves or their problems too seriously. Yellows would prefer not to work at all, unless their work was fun, playful, or creative. They love nature, and often have concerns for the survival of wildlife and the environment. Dogs are very drawn to Yellows and often become their best friends.

What does your sleeping position say about you? Well.. several different websites with different meanings.
#1 - sleep.html - I usually sleep like "The Foetus"
#2 - astro.kathikapook.com - I like this website better. More detailed in the description and in the pictures. All the options on the sleeping positions are at the bottom.

As bordum sets in...

2004-11-09T22:53:00.000-05:00

So... I'm bored right now, since I've been home for several days sick as a dog. I'm very close to losing my voice, however, nobody has been truly blessed with losing my voice! It's not going to happen people! :)

So, I decided to create some hits on the webrings I've joined. Searching the blogphiles webring, I've came across several websites! Gina Snowdoll has seen well over 100 bands! Damn! I've seen *counts* maybe 30 bands? Some include Slipknot, Ozzy Osbourne, Disturbed, Breaking Benjamin, Hoobastank, Ill Nino, Black Sabbath, Mudvayne, Linkin Park.... just to name a few. ;) Simon goes under in Japan is very interesting! Check it out!! I was even here, too!

Since I was home sick today I've been playing Final Fantasy X-2 all day. I'm such a kid. ;) I love playing role-playing games. Whenever I'm in a bad mood, I'll play games like these. I'll just get into this zone and can play for hours upon hours. FFX-2 is the best one that I've played only because everytime I play it I get different endings. This is the type of game that it will progress differently depending on how you play it and complete certain side missions. It's very cool.

Song of the moment

2004-11-09T21:55:00.000-05:00

Today's song of the moment is by Breaking Benjamin. I never heard of them until I went to the Chilli Cook Off earlier this year. I was very impress by their live performance. I went and bought the CD Saturate and immediately fell in love! I got their second CD which is probably better than the first. There was this one song that standed out from the rest. Probably standed out from a lot of other alternative groups. This song is different, I can't explain it. You'll have to buy the CD, download it, or do something to see what I'm talking about.

Breaking Benjamin - Forget It

It's a crime you let it happen to me
Nevermind, I'll let it happen to you
Out of mind, forget it there's nothing to lose
But my mind and all the things I wanted

Everytime I get it I throw it away
It's a sign, I get it, I wanna stay
By the time I lose it I'm not afraid
I'm alive but I can Surely fake it

How can I believe when this cloud hangs over me
You're the part of me that I don't wanna see

Forget it

There's a place I see you follow me
Just a taste of all that might come to be
I'm alone but holding breath you can breathe
To question every answer counted

Just fade away
Please let me stay
Caught in your way

Forget it

It's a crime you let it happen to me
Out of mind, I love it, easy to please
Nevermind, forget it, just memories
On a page inside a spiral notebook

Just fade away
Please let me stay
Caught in your way
I can live forever here

Forget it

How can I believe when this cloud hangs over me
You're a part of me that I don't wanna see

I can live forever here

Lyrics courtesy of: AZLyrics.com

Quizes

2004-11-06T20:43:00.000-05:00

I can spend all day here.

Want some cheese with that wine?

2004-11-06T20:10:00.000-05:00

I'm drinking wine tonight... second time in my life. I'm usually a beer drinker; what can I say... I'm a rednek princess! ;) I've been drinking since last night, when hell broke loose. Ever since my mother decided to 'quit' her job, it's been hell. They can't afford this house and support another family. Yes I know, but why do I have to suffer in it? I'm only one person who takes little space, water, electronic, and so forth but I have to be the one who hears it and have to pay? What the hell?

On top of the that, my father and I lashed it out about this co-worker of mine. He's practically like a best friend of mine. It may be weird that he's 25 years older than me (okay, maybe even odd) and we do get along, but what is the crime? When I was forced to work with him for a month and a half, I was forced to have casual conversations with him. Me and him grew to become good buds. He's an outlet for me, someone I can go to and just let loose and vent to. He sees me the same way. It's nice to have someone like that. There's nothing going on between us two except a friendship but my dad seems to think different. He has a problem that I talk to my co-worker more than my parents. Well Dad, that's because the stuff I have to say involves you two and you shouldn't hear it. Okay? He doesn't like how my co-worker refers me and another associate as 'his girls'. Well... at work, usually the people you're around with 40 hours a week become your second family. We may have a very dysfunctional family, but it's a family. He's like a brother to me, my other co-worker sees him as a father figure, we're one big fucked up family. I told my Dad, "you need to get over this and realize that we're just friends and if you opened your mind for a second you would realize he's very cool and have a lot in common with you."

I'm watching Up Close and Personal. This is such a good movie and always makes me cry at the end. :( Robert Redford isn't that bad looking either. ;)

Work sucks

2004-11-04T22:34:00.000-05:00

Why does the company I work for feel that it's 'okay' to hire a person that has one job title and then assign duties and goals that are so off proportion to what they were hired for? Why have one person wear 6 different hats for thier job?! Believe it or not, one year ago, I was in this situation... actually I still am, but I've learned from it and have a whole different attitude towards it. Before, my mind would go into 6 million different directions to the point where I was literally at a mental breakdown. I'd actually attempt to accomplish everything on my plate. I realized that my plate was entirely too small for the food that was getting placed on it.

Now, my attitude is "fuck it". If I can't accomplish what I want to do today, it'll be there the next day. Don't like how I get things done, don't give me the work. Don't like my attitude? Don't come over to my desk. Have a problem with that? Shove it! What happen to me? I use to be a control freak. I had to complete all of my work every day with nothing left on my desk. Now, I feel like I did something productive if I'm capable in finishing atleast one thing I planned on doing. I use to be a nice person at work, now, I'm a complete bitch. One thing for sure, I have tough skin now. I can take it and give it back in a heart beat. I never use to be like this. I can speak my mind whether they want to hear it or not...which most of the time they don't want to hear it, but they're going to have to. Ah-ha, the little prima donna act comes out of me every once in a while. ;)

My manager created this position for a administrative assistant to him as well as filling in for the Processing Department. This position was intended for me, this position is something I already do. There was no pay raise difference to what I'm working now. Why should I post for this position when I already know the outcome. They will have me keep my work and just add on more duties and keep the same pay. Go through exactly what I went through last year.... ssoooo.... why should I post?!?! My supervisor asked me if I was going to post for it, my reply: "Why!? I already do that job." He wanted a secretary and my supervisor wanted the work load taken off of the processors and myself (you know, that way I can actually do MY work and get MY stuff done during normal working hours). I just laughed and told my supervisor that will never happen. This person will be 99% his secretary and the rest is yours. I will still be filling in (which I still do), I will still be handling other duties that she was to do, I will end up helping her out because she can't handle the work load. This person has been in this new position less than a month and is already dealing with the stress, fustration, and serisously overworked, the same way I felt the moment I was in this department.

All I can say is, I've warned her. Her and I sat and talked about this position, I told her exactly what it's going to be like. I told her she'll be filling in for these people atleast 2 - 3 times a week. She just was so happy to not be doing it full time. I warned her that the manager will work her to the bones before her supervisor can get her to do stuff as well. I feel sorry for here, then again, she knew what was coming. I asked her today, Now do you see why I'm such a bitch now? A position like this can kill you. She laughed and agreed with me, it's stressfull. I told her the best way to make a profit out of this is overtime. If the manager wants it done and so does the supervisor, do it w/ overtime. Soak him dry.

The past year and half I have had a wonderful share of overtime and I'll still do it. Now I'm fixing all the bullshit my supervisor didn't feel like doing for 6 months before it got handed over to me. My manager had a reality check and realize she can't handle her workload so assign the duty to me. I mean, come on, my position's purpose was to be the "jack of all trades"; to do pretty much everything in the department, but let's not get out of hand. Let's just give everything friggin thing to me to handle. Oh wait... they already did that. Last year was so bad that I broke out in tears at work several times to the person I was working on a project with. I had to take a week off.

My work sucks ass. Which brings me to the next thing, I've been selected to be apart of this associate solution thing. Which means I bring forth ideas to make this department and company better. Ha! Bad idea. Bring up a topic that will spark my nerve and trust me, they will wish I NEVER set foot in this project and probably will fire me. I've told my manager this as well, I'll make him regret fucking me over on my job.

Pants off

2004-11-04T22:23:00.000-05:00

Do you think they received a lot of male customers once they put this sign up?

You've got balls

2004-11-04T22:19:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry but, this just cracks me up. :D

To continue...

2004-11-03T20:53:00.000-05:00

From the last post, he called my sister wanting to hang out with her husband. He asked what time he got out of school, she told him she didn't know. So, he called her husband and he said he wasn't really wanting to drink tonight to call and come over Thursday or Friday.

He then calls my sister back and ask where I was at and to see if he could come over and hang out with me. She said she wasn't going to say yes, but to call me and see what I'm doing. She said he was going to call me or her husband to make some plans. He never called me though. :( But, supposely he might be coming over thursday or friday... we'll see what happens.

One of my co-workers told me to play it off, act cool and see what he does.

Confused

2004-11-02T11:00:00.000-05:00

Why are men so confusing? You all are so misleading, what the hell goes through your mind when you like someone? Let's torture them?!

I've known this guy since March, I've met him through my sister and brother-in-law. Let's just say he was released from a place and he has been reformed (which didn't last very long...). We get along good, which is a plus. He told my sister at one point he liked hanging out with me, that I'm cool, and easy to talk to. (Guys, translate that for me please!) So, we've hung out throughout the months after that and as always it was with my sister and her husband and I was always consuming some frosty beverages. ;)

We had a cook out in September and he and his mother was invited. He decided to bring his mom and come over. When his mother and her sister walked in, I introduced myself to them and they immediately knew who I was. They asked if I was the one with the sporty car, I said yes. Then they were like... oh... so he DID come here for other reasons... I stood there like... wtf does that mean!? When he came in, he came up and gave me this big hug. This caught me off gaurd because he usually does this stupid hand shake. His mom and her sister started laughing and said, that's the girl!! Again.... W T F?!

At one point that day he asked me if I ever heard him cussed, I said no. He said, good I want to keep it that way. Why?! I remember asking what he did to go to jail, and it was like pulling teeth. He was very uncomfortable telling me.

Later that day (still at the cookout) his mom pulls me aside:

Her: I wish you would talk to him.
Me: What do you mean? He's playing a game w/ the guys, I'm not going to just barge up in there.
Her: No, I mean talk to him. Get his number, hook up.
Me: Why?
Her: He likes you! He told me one night that he met 'the girl' that it was L's sister (me). You two need to hook up, go talk to him! He really likes you! He needs to stop wasting his time with these hoes and hook up with you!

Okay, his own mother tells me this?! The whole time we were talking I was looking at him and he was watching us talk. So when they left, his mom said to me to not forget what we discussed. I told her, Hey... if he wants to he knows how to get ahold of me... anytime!

So... a day later I had my sister's husband call him and see if he wanted to go to the track w/ me. He was doing something but he gave him my cell number (at this time I was not aware of any of this going on) in case he changes his mind. Towards the end of September, he calls me at work. I didn't know the number, so I didn't answer it. He left a message... "Hey, it's ****, just giving you a call, talk to you later". I called him back and left him a message.

About 15 minutes later, I get a call from my sister telling me he's coming over to "hang out" with her husband and I should come down there and drink w/ him. I get home and go to my room and clean up, do laundry etc. When he gets to my house he kept calling my cell atleast 3 times trying to get me to come down there. When I realized he was calling me, I came down there to talk. What intended to be a "guys" thing according to my sister's husband became a drinking party between me and this guy. We got tore up! The more we drank, the more we were getting frisky. He kept sitting on me and rubbing my legs and back. At one point we were outside and I was rubbing his back. Needless to say, I was loving the moment but GOD did I regret it the next day. I went to work still drunk off my ass.

So, that weekend, I called him asking to go to the track. What he said was he didn't want to make a promise to me and end up having to break it but to call him in the morning. So I did. He got too messed up the night before and ended up not going.

Moving on, I was like... okay I did what his mother told me to do, his main priority was to drink and party... I don't have the time for this, the ball is in his court.

On my sister's b-day party he was to come over, which he didn't. He was on the phone w/ her and I grabbed it asking why he couldn't come over that I miss my drinking partner. He said he was going to chill. However, he was over this girls house "babysiting" her kids. So, I decided that I'm persuing this and deleting he number from my cell and dropped it.

WELL.... now to current (somewhat) events. He called me yesterday.

Me: Hello?!
Him: Hey
Me: Hi...
Him: Do you know who this is?
Me: Yeah
Him: Who is it?
Me: ****
Him: What are you doing?
Me: Working on my friends' hair.
Him: You know how to do hair, like cut it?
Me: Yup
Him: Men's haircut?
Me: Umm.. not men's haircut. I need to learn though, can I learn with you?
Him: Umm.. no.
Me: Oh, come on!!! Where are you at?
Him: At your house.
Me: Oh, well, I'm not there. How long are you going to be there?
Him: For awhile.
Me: Well, I have to finish her hair and I'll be coming home, I'll see you then.
Him: Okay, bye!
Me: Bye!

Two hours later.....

Me: Hello
Him: Where are you at?
Me: About two mintues from home
Him: So where's that at?
Me: close
Him: You need to hurry up, we're hungry
Me: Huh? I'm not cooking.
Him: I'm just kidding. Alright, I'll see you then. Be careful, bye!
Me: Bye

I get home and go downstairs and stop and talk to my neice. I turn around and he's outside smoking... he sees me and gets this HUGE smile across his face. I go out there and starting talking to him. Naturally, my smart ass self, had to make a comment... Oh, your girlfriend decided to losen the leesh and let you come over? He said he doesn't have a girlfriend, they're not together, they're just friends, and he's not with anybody.

Mmmhmmm.... yeah.... friends......

We talked a little, casual conversation and then he left. He told me he was trying to get away from the drinking and partying because it's making him think of doing other stuff so he's just gonna chill for awhile.

What does this all mean? Is he interesting or what? I'm ready to beat my head up against the wall. I feel like we're both playing hard to get or something. Ugh!

2004-10-31T21:29:00.000-05:00

Six die in a tragic accident.

Title Meaning

2004-10-31T19:17:00.000-05:00

People may wonder what exactly does the whole "rcngbtch" thing mean... if not... well, you will now. I work in an automobile related company that deals with mainly vehicles and their warranties. You'd be suprise with the stuff I know... For example, did you know there are two types of recalls? You receive a recall on your vehicle about safety related issues. These recalls the dealershop/repair shops have to let their customers know about. BUT, there are also recalls known as silent recalls, these are known only to your dealership/repair shops and are not consider a safety hazord. Which means they can decide on whether to inform you about them. Some repair shops don't let their customers know about these and will charge you an arm and leg for repairs and then turn around and charge the manufacturers as well. Also known as double-dipping.

I love import cars, domestic cars., or better yet... any type of sporty car. That's what I'm into and that's what I love. I drive a sporty car; got to represent! :) I enjoy going to drag races and seeing street races, however, I do perfer the legal type of street racing only because I hear about all these un-educated teenagers that seem to think it's cool to race on the streets but don't realize the consiquences of doing this. Many people around my area and even close friends have died in illegal street racing. If anything, I encourage a well supervised legal street/drag race than the illegal let's race until someone hits a tree type of thing.

I have red/orang-ish hair (it's colored) and I've been told it matches my personality at work. I love fire like colors and images, I have a red car, I can be a complete and total bitch (but can't we all?!) and I'm known at work as being a firecracker. So in a nutshell.... this is me!

Does it all make since now?

Halloween

2004-10-31T16:17:00.000-05:00

So, what are you doing on Halloween?? I'm doing the usual family tradition, everybody and their mamas come over to my house and party while the kids (with their mother/father, of course!) go trick-or-treating. My parents make the best home made chilli for everybody as well! So good! What are your customs for halloween?

Well.. I did some searching and found this website that list the meaning of halloween and the customs.

Highlights....

Halloween was started about 2,000 years ago by the Celts. According to The Holiday Handbook (40), the word Halloween came from "All Hallows Eve," but the "v" eventually got dropped, so the word became Halloween. The Celts believed that on the night that we now call Halloween, witches and ghosts roamed around the towns that they lived in. Since they had this belief, they set up bonfires to scare away the witches, and put out food to make the ghosts feel at home. The Celts believed that on this night, these ghosts came back to places that they lived in when they were alive.

The idea of trick-or-treating was started in Ireland. A long time ago, the Irish started going from house to house begging for food in order to have community feasts. The Holiday Handbook (41) claims that the phrase "Trick-or-treat!" means, "Give me a treat or I'll play a trick on you." Now-a-days, kids probably take treats more than they play tricks. There are some adults that like to play evil tricks on children, so parents usually tell their children not to go trick-or-treating by themselves.

The idea of having jack-o'-lanterns, which are carved pumpkins on Halloween was started along time ago by an Irish legend. This legend was about a man named Jack who tricked the devil. As a punishment, the devil made him walk around the world forever. .

According to the World Book Encyclopedia (24), in the 800's, the Christian Church designated the day after Halloween to be All Saints Day so people could continue to have a festival that they had before becoming Christians called Samakin, which actually started on Halloween and continued into the next day. Samakin marked the end of fall and the beginning of the winter season. The main purpose of this festival was to honor the Celtic lord of death.

Soon after this time, different groups of Celts started developing their own Halloween customs. For example, in Ireland, the Celts had a parade in which they marched and begged for food to honor a god named Muck Olla. Another example is that in Scotland, people marched with torches to set witches on fire (The World Book Encyclopedia 25). English Halloween customs were a little bit like Ireland. The difference was that in England, it was mostly the poor people that did the marching and begging for food. The food that the poor people usually got was soul cakes. In order to get these soul cakes, the only thing the poor people usually had to do to get the food was to promise that they would pray for the dead. Most of the other people sat by fires and told stories for Halloween.

In the United States, Halloween wasn't that popular until the 1800's. In the 1800's people started coming to the United States from Ireland, Scotland, and other Celtic nations. Because of this, Halloween in the United States became a mixture of customs, such as lighting bonfires or trick-or-treating.

In the 1900's, trick-or-treating started becoming less popular in big cities in the United States. Instead, a lot of people enjoyed community parties and other celebrations. A reason for this was probably that Halloween pranks that were supposed to be harmless started becoming too dangerous. Now-a-days, there is quite a bit of trick-or-treating, but parents take precautions such as checking their children's candy.
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Read some more at their website, here.

Back to the old ways

2004-10-30T21:03:00.000-04:00

I'm starting to get use to this now, editing the template. One of these days I'll make my own layout, but for now... I'll stick to this.

Had to add my "haul-ass" part on the side bar, and obviously I had to represent my girl, Jenna! :) Added Jamiee too, of course! She took down gerl.org. :( Shame to see it go, I remember the good ol' days as ang or maybe even exp... do you?

Personal vs Business

2004-10-30T18:40:00.000-04:00

It's ran across, I believe, everybodies mind that it would be 'awesome' to have your friends working with you or even yet, some of your relatives. Maybe that cool cousin that's practically your best friend or your true best friend you've known for 10+ years. Do you really believe it would be 'awesome' though? I've worked in a place where the owner is someone I've known just about all my life. A good friend of my parents, she allowed me to work with her. It was cool for awhile, but then... you see sides of someone who you really thought was cool and found out this person is a complete bitch in the work force and can not work them. I've come to believe that it never works out the way you think it would be. Someone who you are best friends with and spend almost every waking moment talking and hanging out could end up becoming someone you don't like. You need the space, the break from people. Why spend all day working with people you already know when you could spend a day in a work force of people you don't know, learning knew things, meeting knew people, and adding a little diverse in your life? Can your personal life with your personal friends really survive being mixed in with your business career?

My best friend just learned it the hard way when she was hired to work at her grandfather's business. She looked up to this guy and after a month of working with him, she is disappointed and realized how much of an asshole business guy he truly is. She sees that he doesn't care about her feelings and only cares about money and himself. Ah-ha.. the true "businessman".

Which leads to me a next question, can your business friends be mixed into your personal life/friends?

Ah... some good stories I can go with this one, juicy one too... but I'll leave that for another post in the future. ;)

HandWritingWizard.com

2004-10-29T22:51:00.000-04:00

Ever been to handwritingwizard.com? This place is awesome. You should try it out, I took the test and this is what it told me about myself:
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She have a healthy imagination and displays a fair amount of trust.She lets new people into her circle of friends. She uses her imagination to understand new ideas, things, and people.

She is sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect her ego when she feels hurt. She pokes people harder than she gets poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time.

She is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. She needs to visualize the end of a project before she starts. she finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said she plans everything she is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. She basically feel good about herself. She has a positive self-esteem which contributes to her success. She feels she has the ability to achieve anything she sets her mind to. However, she sets her goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". She has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, she will not take great risks, as they relate to her goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, her self-perception is better than average.

In reference to her mental abilities, she has a very investigating and creating mind. She investigates projects rapidly because she is curious about many things. She gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but she soon must slow down and look at all the angles. She probably gets too many things going at once. When she slows down, then she becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, she must slow down to do it. She then decides what projects she has time to finish. Thus she finishes at a slower pace than when she started the project. She has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. Her mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. She can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. She can then switch into her low gear. When she is in the slower mode, she can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. She is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.

She has an over-awareness of self. She often feels self-conscious. She fears ridicule, therefore she is careful not to place herself in a position to receive any ridicule. She wonders what people will think if she acts in a certain manner. When encountering a new group of people, she may stay on the sidelines until she has the people categorized, or she may behave in a "positive attention getting" manner to assure people think good thoughts about her from the start. In the sales profession, this self-consciousness is called "call reluctance". They take the word "no" as a personal criticism. Therefore, there is an internal struggle when performing this type of work. Although this person may be a great salesperson, she still feels insecurity. She will perform better if someone else is with her because the fear of ridicule from her peers is far greater than the fear of ridicule from her clients. Many times this type of person becomes a sales trainer, because when she is training, she doesn't have to put herself in a position of being told "no" as often as the salesmen do.

She is not facing something going on in her life today. She is deceiving herself about it. Often, it's her opinion of herself is different than whose around her. This trait gives her the ability to deny anything that does not agree with her "truth." This trait is not always something negative. It is only a defense mechanism allowing her not to face some reality in her life at this time. (Wtf?!)

She is sensitive to criticism about her ideas and philosophies. She will sometimes worry what people will think if she tells them what she believes in. This doesn't mean she won't talk, or that she feels ashamed. It merely means she is sensitive to what others think, regarding her beliefs.

She uses judgment to make decisions. She is ruled by her head, not her heart. She is a cool, collected person who is usually unexpressive emotionally. Some may see her as unemotional. She does have emotions but has no need to express them. She is withdrawn into herself and enjoys being alone. The circumstances when she does express emotions include: extreme anger, extreme passion, and tremendous stress. If someone gets her mad enough to tell her off, she will not be sorry about it later. She puts a mark in her mind when someone angers her. She keeps track of these marks and when she hits that last mark she will let them know they have gone too far. She is ruled somewhat by self-interest. All her conclusions are made without outside emotional influence. She is very level-headed and will remain calm in an emergency situation. In a situation where other people might get hysterical, she has poise. She will work more efficiently if given space and time to be alone. She would rather not be surrounded by people constantly. In a relationship, she will show her love by the things she does rather than by the things she says. Saying "I love you" is not a needed routine because she feels her mate should already know. The only exception to this is if she has logically concluded that it is best for her mate to hear her express her love verbally. She is not subject to emotional appeals. If someone is
selling a product to her, they will need to present only the facts. They should present them from a standpoint of her sound judgment. She will not be taken in by an emotional story about someone else. She will meet emergencies without getting hysterical and she will always ask "Is this best for me?"
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Okay, so, I would have to say majority of this is true! I took another one the next day with different selections that are also in my handwriting and out of those these we're truly me:
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She is selective when picking friends. She does not trust everyone. She has a select group of people that are truly close to her, usually two or three. She is careful when choosing her inner circle of friends.

She is secretive. She has secrets which she does not wish to share with others. She intentionally conceals things about herself. She has a private side that she intends to keep that way, especially concerning certain events in her past.

She has difficulty making decisions. Her mind changes constantly. She lives in an emotional tug of war. She could be described like a thermometer. Today warm and friendly, yet tomorrow she may be distant and cold, not wanting to be close to anyone. Some research indicates that people with a severe variety in the slant of their handwriting have an inability to tolerate sugar and are suffering the side-effects of too much sugar in their diet. If moods swings are a reoccurring issue, investigate the diet. If she encounters a situation she cannot handle she frequently pulls into herself. She feels her emotions are secure if she is withdrawn. When she has solved the problem she can be very outgoing and again need other people's companionship. Some see her as very moody, but it it would be more accurate to say she has two complete personalities that she chooses depending on the circumstance. This type of person is often hard to understand because no one knows what personality she is exhibiting today. She may not be bothered by something one minute, then the next minute become upset at the same thing. It is very difficult to pin down her emotional expressiveness.
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The other things they mention are so far off the scale that it made me sound like I had some major mental issues. :D

First Post

2004-10-29T22:09:00.000-04:00

So, I've been gone for awhile, too long maybe. I believe I forgot somethings, but hey... I'm ready to re-educate myself. I've been around here and there trying to create something for myself to get me back into the internet but everytime I try it falls through. I've realized that maybe I don't need a full blown website that I can create a lot of content for my viewers that all I really needed was something I can create for one viewer, myself. Something I can call an "outlet" to things I trully feel but can't find that way to express it through talking. I was told today that the perfect quote to say who I am is "People are lonely only because they build walls instead of bridges," maybe I do, but that's just the way I am.

So, here I am... again, back into the web-world trying to release something inside of me that has been needed... back to my outlet that I use to have. So, sit back and enjoy the ride.